expressdawn: A male cat-person looking downards with a sad/fairly neutral expression (Kam)
[personal profile] expressdawn
Something that I noticed a while back is that all the alters and some of the tulpas/soulbonds have connections either to each other or to things that happened in my life when I was young (or when the original/body was young, in case I'm not it). The alters seem to have the most roots in young life for me, while the non-traumagenic ones are like mixes and manifestations of the alters.

Let me explain.

One of the youngest instances that I can think of regards Rodney. When I was younger, I pretended to be a vampire.
A daywalker, in fact. And at some points I honestly had myself convinced that I really was a vampire.

Rodney is a vampire. He's iffy about admitting to it thanks to "Fangfuckers" (aka wacko vampire fans), but he is one. And he's got qualities I took on back then, which was just a year before he was officially made- little to no empathy, a short fuse but cool attitude, epic edginess.

Coincidence? Possibly. Here's another; this one, though, is more complex, as it's most likely that the alter influenced the situation instead of the opposite.

Tris is an enigma. She doesn't follow any rules of our headspace (ie: normal physics), she can get incredibly violent, you never know what she'll do next. She's scary. (We've recently made a deal with her and she's much better now,
but for all intents and purposes the violence is a good note)

In my roleplaying days (not that long ago really :v) I had a couple muses that either seemed like they had DID or flat-out did have it, but they were stereotypes (and to say I'm ashamed would be an understatement, ugh). One of them was an "Element of Insanity", and her name was Instability.

Instability was relatively chill when I roleplayed her, but that was due to the restrictions. The idea around her was much more violent and destructive than she was portrayed. And she had an alter-ego of sorts: Stability. Whenever Stability took over, Insta's form completely changed, as well as associated colors- Insta was red and black, while Sable (you'd think it was stable, but nah) was white and blue.

While Tris took on a form closer to a different character in the same series, Amorality (did I mention I was 12? I'm sad with 12 year old self), when our alter Alice showed up it became more complicated.

Now, we know Tris is out because she wears a red shirt, and her long hair is almost always down. When Alice is out, she wears a blue one and she keeps her hair up most of the time.
Alice is a more recent development, though; but the story around her is kind of crazy and we don't really want to talk about it in this post.

Maybe more coincidence?? The world will never know!!11

There's more, but I'm running out of spoons so I'll go on to the tulpas.

The main one I'll mention is James.

He's almost exactly like 4N4, minus the form. He's 30, just like 4N4. He's an analyst, just like 4N4. He loves piano.... Just. Like. 4N4.

There are some minor differences, though. James isn't as anxious a person, and doesn't have sensory issues, and is usually less interested in most things. 4N4 is also more touch averse and avoidant.

I find it interesting that there are a lot of weird connection things for us. It makes us feel fake, but at the same time, it's kinda fun to look at them all.


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