GREY SKIES

about that whole theme thing

Fri, 05 Nov 2021 20:35:55 GMT

welp. it's almost been a year. got another month and some change but y'know, chances are we'll forget to post anything by the time that gets here

i won't pretend that we did everything that we wanted to, but i can say we definitely did some new stuff. we implemented a lot of new features across our bots. we gave a few of them a new (internal) coat of paint. if we can manage it, we'll be redesigning our pluralkit website as well as our personal one

outside of projects, we started going to the doctor (... at the end of last month, but, still) and we're in therapy. i think i can say we've made some new friends? we haven't really been active in any new communities, but uh. we've pretty much just become a hermit anyway. that's not really new to this year though

we've gotten a handful of new members, but we've been slowing down with that for a while. also made a couple of realizations regarding how the system works (or how it works so far anyway), so that's cool. not really much of a new fronting roster now that i'm stuck here more unforts

i think that's pretty much it for the whole "new" thing? that's all i can think of to share with regards to it at least

in terms of life stuff, we're still living with our fiancée and haven't married yet. she's got a job she really likes, which is great- we're still looking for a job and struggling due to mental & physical health. our great grandpa passed away this last weekend and our grandma's in the hospital. we went to philly which was pretty fun (and ig counts as new too, oops) but we got the news about both of my grandparents while on the trip so that kinda took a hit on us

we're also only on dreamwidth this time because we just found out that someone we thought was cool turned out to be Very Much Not, and most of the evidence was here on dw. if a lot of this comes off as super flat (which, it very much does already) it's mostly bc we slogged through a bunch of really triggering stuff while looking things over and we're pretty out of it. love (/s) getting reminded we have triggers after forgetting bc we haven't been triggered in a while

but uh, yeah, that's kinda all we got i guess

dunno what else to talk about here, not like we post on this site often. it's probably gonna turn into our yearly personal recap site at this point lol

if you read this far i hope you're having a good day and i'm wishing you a very hydration just in case

see y'all in another year or so //j
- α¹

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icon update

Tue, 25 May 2021 14:47:58 GMT

finally swapping out our old icon for the new one 🎉

our old one was pretty nice, but we wanted to move away from the ying-yang. it had a lot of symbolism for us at the time, and i still think it's a neat icon, but i also think it's safe to retire it now- not to mention the whole cultural appropriation aspect which we've been worried about for a while

the new one's a bit less symbolic, but for now it's Us. it's a planet with a couple clouds to keep in with the "skies" motif. it's got all our *~system associated~* greys. it's neat and it's new and we like it, and we hope you guys like it too

here it is in full since DW kinda butchered the quality:

(open it up for even More quality)

- α¹

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new year themes

Fri, 25 Dec 2020 17:59:53 GMT

~~wow an actually serious title for once~~

a bit back we learned of a new concept, courtesy of a youtuber our fiancée watches. the idea is simple: instead of a new year's resolution, you have a new year's theme

we've thought about it a bit since then, and finally decided what our theme will be- at least, for now, since themes can change in how you interpret them and in what you want them to be altogether
so without further ado, I'd like to introduce...

The Year of New 🎉

the first theme we were thinking about was the Year of Coding, because i want to further our coding abilities. after thinking about it though there were definitely some other things i wanted to do, and i wanted to make the theme a bit more broad, so we're going with the year of ~new~

whether that new means trying new things, learning new things, or doing new things.... it's new, and that's what i want this year to be about, for me if not for us
- α¹

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[mario voice] yahooooo

Fri, 25 Dec 2020 05:01:37 GMT

meowdy ny'all and welcome back to the kam can't name things show :D
on that note, i think i'm going to break anonymity on this blog for the fact that no one really knows that we have it, and even if they did, it wouldn't really hurt much. we picked it up primarily to keep from triggering others based on source/character/etc (and to obscure just how many introjects we have, bc boy do people hate that) but this place seems safe enough :3

anyways, it's christmas eve, and i would like to wish everyone a merry christmas + happy holidays! ✨
i also would like to immortalize an adventure i've had over the last few days, because my god, it's gotta be the worst fetch quest I've ever been on

the day is tuesday. my grandma sent me a package a few days before, a package overdue by well over a month. it has Frances, our lion shaped comfort pillow, in it, as well as our streaming headphones and our Robotics cap. a mix of sentiment and utility. it's very important, and we've been beating ourselves up for forgetting these things when we moved down to Indiana
we've been tracking this package since it sent out. today, it finally reached the city! it's to be delivered by 9:00pm. anxiously i wait by the door, in our room, in the livingroom- almost shaking with fear that something would go amiss.
hours roll by. i check the time. 10pm, and nothing.
tomorrow, then! surely it'll come tomorrow!

it did not come tomorrow
it is now wednesday. instead of getting my package, I'm eventually greeted with a message saying that the address is wrong. until now i'd had no idea, because the website doesn't give info on where a tracked package is actually going. i'm given the option to change one part of it... but two parts are wrong. i change the number, not realizing i'd only be able to change just that part. more shenanigans ensue as i spend an hour trying to fix the rest of the address, only to resolve to emailing customer support

tomorrow once again hits. it's thursday- today, as I'm writing this. again the package is out for delivery. i receive an email. "Good evening, I do see your concern in updating your address this was done and the package will be delivered to [the new one]." I respond back explaining the importance of changing the second part of the address, but no response comes back
you see, the problem with our address is that there are two streets with the same name here. one name ends in Lane, while the other ends in Road. the original package address not only had the wrong street number, but also the wrong suffix
another email. the package has been delivered.
the truck isn't on our street, and nothing is at our door.
panic

quickly we call the first building we can think to: a facility nearby that Google lists at the address I give, the one that's technically wrong. nothing there. the wonderful lady keeps our number and will call us again later to affirm this.
we call UPS. "expect a call in about an hour," we're told. "we'll retrieve the package and redeliver it."
an hour. two. nothing
we're nearly ready to go hunting for it when a mysterious stranger sends us two pictures: one of a doorway and a box next to it, the other of the shipping label. our legal name and phone number are listed
the sheer amount of relief that washes over us would've knocked us down if we weren't sitting, but that's not important- now we have to go find the package

we get in the car with one of our housemates and quickly head up the street. the first place gives us nothing; the numbers don't go high enough. next we stop at the facility from earlier and ask them about it; nothing again, but we're told to check the apartments nearby. the search starts again
i haven't mentioned this yet, but the entire time we're out here it's less than 20°F AND snowing. it's very cold, and neither of us are dressed for the weather
slowly we drive up and down the streets of the complex, running out of places to check. our housemate gets out and walks to places that can't be driven to- still, nothing. they're freezing, so we take their place and search instead
first try: nothing again
second try: we find the door two numbers off, and next to it- here near the front of the complex- we finally get the package

ALL of that for a 20lb package filled with 3 pillows, our robotics cap, our good headphones, and a ton of snacks. oh, and cash. a lot of cash.
all of that because someone copied an address wrong and the UPS system doesn't allow employees nor consumers to edit more than one part of an address at a time
please god never let it happen again

anyways! that's how our christmas is going so far. hope y'all are having a better time LMAO
- Kam

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december

Tue, 15 Dec 2020 17:50:51 GMT

remember a long long time ago, when i made jokes on here about being awful at naming posts? well, we're back at it lads. still terrible at it
oh, you thought you wouldn't hear from me again for at least several months? honestly same, but here i am, ready to shove my foot in my mouth again. except i won't bc heck u i'm gonna be positive

anyways. we're engaged now, and after some encouragement i finally gave up and went back to a couple community places to talk on. oh and i'm making a server for plural creators to spite a commissioner who runs a digital art place while absolutely sucking at the very basics of respect. whether the last two are good or bad is a mystery but i guess we'll see what happens, huh

no real eta for a wedding but what with the weather, covid, and my desire to get absolutely hammered in a public setting once the ceremony happens, we're ballparking it around summer time next year, preferably after we turn 21
but honestly, i don't care if we get married. not in a dismissive way- god no. i'd love to be married to our partner. she's an amazing person who has put more time, energy, patience, and positive energy into us than literally anyone else in our life (except maybe our grandma, but that's another can of worms entirely) and i appreciate her SO much. i want to marry her, a lot
but all that said, we both know how committed we are to each other, and people who know us also know, and i think i'd be happy without a marriage. in case covid happens again or it's another situation like my dad and nicole (ex stepmom to be ig) where they kinda just... were engaged for almost 10 years and that was that

oh, and while i'm here, we had a late thanksgiving but it was still nice. the lateness wasn't for a bad reason- the opposite actually. we were waiting for our last housemate to get here so everyone would be together. and tbh it was the best thanksgiving we've had in a very, very long time
we personally made cheesy potatoes (which... needed a bit of work, but were pretty good); our partner made corn casserole ("corny corn," which we physically couldn't eat) and her amazing cookies; our housemates made chicken adobo (VERY good) and twice baked potatoes (also good) respectively
and altogether it was just... nice. really, really nice. 10/10 wanna do it again next year

but. yeah. heehoo surprise non-depressing entry
- α¹

edit: golly gee our phone hates us. fixed a lot of typos

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clean up

Tue, 01 Dec 2020 21:46:07 GMT

hey y'all. long time no see
going through our emails reminded me that this place exists again, so here i am, doing my usual "oh geez golly wow it's been a while, huh?" post

anyways, we're in a better situation now. we're living with our gf and a couple friends in a new house, in a new city, in a new state. it's a nice place, and it's even nicer when we're surrounded by people who care about us

... but on a more depressing note, i finally cleaned out all our old entries. it was... an experience. i guess. a lot of things i didn't want to revisit, and another smack in the face reminding me that nothing ever really changes for us. we get new headmates, we move homes, we get into better situations- but it feels like nothing we do ever really changes who we are. makes me wonder if people are right when they say folks never change

part of me wants to focus on the good stuff in this post, since it's been a while and it kinda sucks to hear depressing stuff from someone that effectively fell off the face of the planet. but i can't really bring myself to try being positive, i guess. we're happy, but depression still kicks our ass. we're looking for a job to help support the house, but we keep getting rejections. we want to exist in a community, but i can't bring myself to take up space or risk hurting others.. especially that last thing. i'm sick of hurting folks, and if it takes isolating and hurting myself to fix the problem, then that's a price i'm fine with paying

it's funny, going from being some pillar of the plural community to running away from it. and it's not like we were kicked out or "cancelled" or whatever. i'm just tired of being a bad guy. my final gift to everyone is staying the fuck away from them
the only hard part is that it was a decision completely made by me, and i know others want to go back on it. and it's fine if they do. but i'm worried about being tempted to come back by them interacting with people. and i know they're worried about how people will react given the stuff i've posted about the whole ordeal. so it's just a mess, i guess

but the fact of the matter is that i'm a toxic bastard and i don't know how to fix that. i don't really know how to be better. i thought i was doing good, i thought i was doing what people wanted/needed. but i wasn't. and i don't know how to fix that problem or figure out where to start to help it. some other folks in the system are in the same boat, but tbh this is mostly just a Me thing, since i front the most and interact with the most people

writing this isn't really helping either. i just don't really know what else to do at this point. it's like the only thing i can do is keep apologizing every time i show my face somewhere public, and if i'm not doing that, i'm trying to get all these stupid thoughts out of my head. but the bad part of that is it comes off like i'm playing the victim, or guilt tripping, or something. even if that's not what i want, it's still a problem. a problem i don't know how to fix

so. yeah. i guess that's your look at our current physical and mental state. sorry to drop all this here of all places. hopefully the next entry is better

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