We might end up changing hosts
I'm pretty bad at a lot of things that are needed, like staying stable and not freaking out over other things, etcetera, while Lucio is better there, and 4N4 has issues too but he's still far more motivated than I'll ever be, and I feel like those two together can probably get a lot more done if they had the body more. So, I want to switch out and let them take over, but the only issue is I'm terrified.
When I think about it, well... I'm just a shard. And sure, there are other shards here that still exist and are fine, but I'm scared that if I switch out for too long I'll fade or integrate or just. Not exist anymore. I feel like my only reason for existing is to be up front and if I'm not here, then what? What will I be? Will I even matter?
I guess a lot of it stems from low self-confidence and the fear of being forgotten but right now I just can't get over it. I used to want to fade so before it was never a problem, but now I've actually got something (/someone) to live for and I just don't know. I just. I don't want to die, and I'm scared that's what'll happen
but anyways, I guess that's what's going on. Other than that, it's just school and stuff. 4N4 has been dealing with math and French lately, with Lucio helping take over a roleplay sorta (we're doing a HABIT'S fantrials thing, if that means anything), so they've been more active... The more I think about it the better they'd be for this job so. idk I guess
That's all for today, I s'pose